Sunday, March 27, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
"Code" Titles....A Welcome Mat
This is the code word some of us single woman use to describe our "relationship"
A Welcome Mat
Meaning: This is what your friends call you when you keep taking back the guy who only comes a knocking on your door for one thing; sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll. (I could have just called you a doormat, but you're always so damn friendly when he shows up.)
When did you decide:
To act like Astroturf?
That he's so much better than you are?
That you didn't need therapy anymore?
That the girl who tortured you in grammar school was right?
As a Wake Up Call:
"Yeah I'm sure he meant to call you, because everyone wants to check in on a welcome mat after they tread on it."
A Welcome Mat
Meaning: This is what your friends call you when you keep taking back the guy who only comes a knocking on your door for one thing; sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll. (I could have just called you a doormat, but you're always so damn friendly when he shows up.)
When did you decide:
To act like Astroturf?
That he's so much better than you are?
That you didn't need therapy anymore?
That the girl who tortured you in grammar school was right?
As a Wake Up Call:
"Yeah I'm sure he meant to call you, because everyone wants to check in on a welcome mat after they tread on it."
"Code" Titles....A Benefactor
This is the code word some of us single woman use to describe our "relationship"
A Benefactor
Meaning:
This is a polite title for that 35-45 year old man who dates 19-25 year old women. Having one always seems so original (and economical) at first, because he takes you to many more exciting places than guys your own age do and, of course he pays for everything! (But don't think you invented this: in the old days they just called him a Sugar Daddy.)
Things to Look Out for:
A wife.
Some kids.
The fact that you're a grown man's Barbie doll, that anyone who can hang out with someone who's fifteen years younger than him is a LOSER.
As a Reprimand:
"No, he's not my father...he's my benefactor; and who cares if he's bald, he pays!"
A Benefactor
Meaning:
This is a polite title for that 35-45 year old man who dates 19-25 year old women. Having one always seems so original (and economical) at first, because he takes you to many more exciting places than guys your own age do and, of course he pays for everything! (But don't think you invented this: in the old days they just called him a Sugar Daddy.)
Things to Look Out for:
A wife.
Some kids.
The fact that you're a grown man's Barbie doll, that anyone who can hang out with someone who's fifteen years younger than him is a LOSER.
As a Reprimand:
"No, he's not my father...he's my benefactor; and who cares if he's bald, he pays!"
"Code" Titles....Mr. Right Now
This is the code word some of us single woman use to describe our "relationship"
Mr. Right Now
Meaning: This is the guy friend of yours who doesn't have a real job and is always ready and available when you want to party till dawn, and to do things you wish you didn't remember in the morning. He's not "Mr. Right," but he may be good enough to be "Mr. Right Now."
When to Retire Him:
Immediately after college,
When your not so afraid of a real man,
When he asks you for cab fare home,
After a particularly lonely holiday season.
As an Excuse:
"It's not that I'm afraid of a committed relationship; at the moment all I need is to find a new keg and to pull Mr. Right Now out from underneath the empty one."
Mr. Right Now
Meaning: This is the guy friend of yours who doesn't have a real job and is always ready and available when you want to party till dawn, and to do things you wish you didn't remember in the morning. He's not "Mr. Right," but he may be good enough to be "Mr. Right Now."
When to Retire Him:
Immediately after college,
When your not so afraid of a real man,
When he asks you for cab fare home,
After a particularly lonely holiday season.
As an Excuse:
"It's not that I'm afraid of a committed relationship; at the moment all I need is to find a new keg and to pull Mr. Right Now out from underneath the empty one."
"Code" Titles....The Boy
This is the code word some of us single woman use to describe our "relationship"
The Boy
Meaning: If you change boyfriends so fast that they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his name. Until such time, he should be referred to by this generic title.
For Women Who:
Need to explain to numerous people what's going on in their love life,
Are between the ages of sixteen and twenty one or over twenty seven,
Have overbearing mothers or aunts in their life,
Have called off more then one egagement.
The Boy
Meaning: If you change boyfriends so fast that they rarely achieve name status, a man must be around for at least six weeks before you make your friends bother to learn his name. Until such time, he should be referred to by this generic title.
For Women Who:
Need to explain to numerous people what's going on in their love life,
Are between the ages of sixteen and twenty one or over twenty seven,
Have overbearing mothers or aunts in their life,
Have called off more then one egagement.
The "Code"
Good girlfriends & laughter can get you through anything.
1. Speaking in "Code"
You know those little disclaimers on the sides of cigarettes & alcohol? Well, if your next date came with a warning label, it would contain the following information down the side of his leg. This is the common language of girlfriends that have been there.
1. Speaking in "Code"
You know those little disclaimers on the sides of cigarettes & alcohol? Well, if your next date came with a warning label, it would contain the following information down the side of his leg. This is the common language of girlfriends that have been there.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
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